T. Bikel:
This, as you might have gathered
Is the end of the movie
The entire cast is assembled here at the
Centerville Recreational Facility
To bid farewell to you and to express thanks
For your attendance at this theater...
This might seem old-fashioned to some of you
But I'd like to join in on this song
It’s a kind of a sentimental song
That you get at the end of a movie
It’s the kind of a song that people might sing
To let you in the audience know
That we really like you
We care about you, we uh
Understand how hard it is to laugh these days
With all the terrible problems in the world.

Lord have mercy on the people in England
For the terrible food these people must eat
(Aaa... excuse me)
And may the Lord have mercy
On the fate of this movie
And God bless the mind of the man in the street

Chorus:
Help all the rednecks
and the flatfoot policemen
Through the terrible functions
they all must perform

M-H & Chorus:
God help the winos, the junkies and the weirdos

PJulson: M-H & Chorus:
And every poor soul who's adrift in the storm

Help everybody so they all get some action
Some love on the weekend
Some real satisfaction

PJulson:
A room and a meal and a garbage disposal
A lawn and a hose'll be strictly genteel

M-H:
Reach out your hand
To the girl in the dog book
The girl in the pig book
And the one with the horse

Make sure they keep
All those businessmen happy
And the purple-lipped censors
And the Germans of course

M-H & Chorus:
Help everybody so they all get some action
Some love on the weekend
Some real satisfaction

M-H:
A sweedish apparatus
With a hood and a bludgeon

M-H & Chorus:
With a microwave oven
"Honey, how do it feel?"

M-H:
Lord have mercy on the hippies and faggots
And the dykes
And the weird little children they grow

M-H & Chorus:
Help the black man
Help the poor man
Help the milk man
Help the door man
Help the lonely
Neglected old farts that I know

T. Bikel:
It’s been swell having you with us tonights folks

Mark:
But, don't leave the theater yet
'Cause there's still more to come
But before we go on, I want to introduce to you
My friend and musical associate
Howard Kaylan
Who’s going to give us all
A final closing benediction